just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
thus making me awesome and them whores
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
