We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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