i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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