Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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