so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
