the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
from now on my penis is your penis
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
