it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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