Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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