Non-Jews are for practice
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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