Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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(571): View more from Virginia

All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet

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(305): View more from Florida

once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away

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(941): View more from Florida

there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?

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(307): View more from Wyoming

all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.

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(647): View more from Ontario

She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke

(647): View more from Ontario

She kept going

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(+61): View more from Australia

i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs

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(809): View more from Caribbean Islands

*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God

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