I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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