I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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