Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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