did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
