Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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