this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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