Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
