Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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