I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
