i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
