next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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