Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
