I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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