Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm at about main and main street
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
