I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
