i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
