I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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