Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
