The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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