I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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