Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
