I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
