I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
