Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
