He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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