If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
