I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
