my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
