My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
