I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
