her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
