when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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