Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
