Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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