I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just google imaged poop.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize