porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
