Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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