Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
