This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
