mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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