i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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