Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
