i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and she was petting her beer can
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Panties = found
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
