What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
