Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
