I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
