I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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