I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Two words: nipple clamps
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
