So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
