Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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