I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
