Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
