have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
MIDGETS
????
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
