Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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