yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The Olympian is in my bed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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