Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
