I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
