So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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