Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
