oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
