never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
