How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm like, not good at living.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
