Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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