OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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