i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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