32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
