I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
