tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
