At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i think i have two assholes
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
