trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize