if you like me you must not know who I am
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
