my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
