Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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