so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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