My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
