Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
