proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize