Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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