if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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