you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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