dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
