bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize