Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
