what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
