so explain again why im purple
no
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
