About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
