Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
