were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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