Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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