Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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