I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Every concussion has its silver lining
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
