I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I still have a little drunk in my system
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
