It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
