who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
