Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
do nipples grow back?
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