Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
