Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
