I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
