Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This house was built for laser tag.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
