What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He felt like a one man threesome
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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