Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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