Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
