i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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