Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
