Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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