I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
