i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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