Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
